What Not To Do At Speed Dating: Your Ultimate Guide to Success
Published on 19/09/2024 | written by Darcy Todd
Are you tired of the apps and wanting to try a singles event but wondering ‘What not to do at speed dating?’ Don’t stress! The main things to avoid are being late, dominating conversations, or discussing exes. To get the most out of a blind dating event, stay positive, and avoid oversharing. At the end of the day, focus on being yourself, and go with the goal of having fun meeting new people.
So now that we’re getting into it, if you’re thinking about trying speed dating, but not quite sure what to expect or how to avoid making a fool of yourself? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! Speed dating can be both exciting and nerve-wracking, especially for newcomers. Here’s the lowdown: you’ll typically have 3-8 minutes to chat with each potential match before moving on to the next. The key to success? Be yourself, stay positive, and focus on having fun, brief conversations. Avoid common mistakes like dominating the talk, being negative, or bringing up awkward topics (like exes or politics).
Instead, remember to ask engaging questions, listen actively, and keep an open mind. Afterall, everyone’s in the same boat, so there’s no need to stress. The main things to avoid are being late, checking your phone constantly, or coming across as disinterested. Just relax, be genuine, and enjoy meeting new people – your future romance could be just one fast date away!
Leave the Past in the Rearview Mirror
When speed dating, it’s crucial to leave your ex-talk at the door. Bringing up past relationships can be a major turn-off and wastes precious time. It can also make you seem hung up on your ex or not ready for a new connection. Instead, try focusing on the present and future. Start by sharing your interests, goals, and what you’re looking for in a partner. This approach keeps the conversation positive and gives your date a chance to see the real you. If you’re asked directly about previous relationships, keep it brief and neutral. Remember, you’re here to explore new possibilities, not rehash old situationships or failed romances.
Punctuality is Key
Arriving late to a speed dating event can derail your chances of making meaningful connections. It disrupts the flow, cuts into your dating time, and can be seen as disrespectful to both the organizers and other participants. And that’s not to mention the first rotations that you miss out on. Lateness might suggest you’re not reliable or don’t value others’ time – not great traits in a potential partner. Aim to arrive at least 15-20 minutes early. This gives you time to settle in, calm your nerves, and maybe even chat with other participants before the event starts. Being punctual shows you’re reliable, considerate, and serious about finding a match. Plus, those extra minutes can be great for building confidence and setting a positive tone for the evening.
Eyes on the Prize, Not the Screen
In our digital age, it’s tempting to check your phone constantly, but during speed dating, your full attention should be on the person in front of you. Constantly glancing at your phone can come across as disinterested or rude, potentially ruining your chances with someone great. Instead, keep your phone on silent and out of sight. Those few minutes are your chance to make a real connection, and nothing says “I’m not interested” like scrolling through your notifications. So stay present and engaged – you might be surprised at who you meet! If you’re expecting an important call, let the organizers know beforehand. Otherwise, treat each mini-date as a phone-free zone and give your full attention to the person across from you.
The Art of Balanced Conversation
While it’s important to share about yourself, dominating the conversation is a big no-no in speed dating. It can make you seem self-centered or uninterested in getting to know others. Instead, aim for a balanced exchange. Ask questions, listen actively, and respond thoughtfully. This shows you’re genuinely interested and helps you learn more about your date. Remember, you’re trying to determine if there’s a connection, and that’s hard to do if you’re doing all the talking! And a good rule of thumb is to aim for a 50/50 split in conversation time. So if you find yourself talking for more than a minute without pause, take a breath and ask your date a question. This balance creates a more engaging and memorable interaction for both parties.
Mind Your Language
While a bit of casual swearing might be okay if it’s part of your natural speech, excessive profanity can be off-putting during your dates. It tends to make you seem immature, aggressive, or lacking in vocabulary. We’re all grown ups so keep your language clean and respectful. Remember you want to make a good impression, and for many, frequent swearing can be a turn-off. Instead aim for witty, engaging conversations without relying on curse words to make your point. If you do let a swear word slip, don’t panic – just move on. Remember, you’re trying to showcase your best self in a short time, so clever, articulate conversation is far more likely to leave a lasting positive impression than a string of expletives.
Embrace Open-Mindedness
In speed dating, it’s easy to make snap judgments, but try to keep an open mind. First impressions can be deceiving, especially in such a short time frame. It’s very possible your date might be nervous or having an off day. Judging too quickly might cause you to miss out on a potentially great match. So give each person a fair chance – you might be surprised at who you connect with. Remember, the goal is to find potential matches, not to rule people out immediately. So try to look beyond surface-level attributes and listen for shared values, interests, and feel the chemistry. Even if you don’t sense an immediate spark, the person in front of you might turn out to be a great friend or introduce you to your perfect match later on.
Self-Respect: Your Dating Superpower
Respecting yourself is crucial in any singles night, including speed dating. So don’t compromise your values or pretend to be someone you’re not just to impress others. Because this can lead to inauthentic connections or attracting partners who aren’t truly compatible with the real you. Remember, it’s good to be confident in who you are and what you have to offer. This self-assurance is attractive and helps you make genuine connections. So go in with the mindset that you’re not just trying to impress others – you’re also evaluating if they’re a good match for you. So set your boundaries and stick to them. If someone says something that makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay to address it or move on. Your self-respect will guide you towards healthier, more safe fulfilling future relationships.
Kindness: Your Secret Weapon
Being rude to staff or other participants is a major red flag in speed dating. It can instantly turn off potential matches and create a negative atmosphere if you sour the room. So always treat everyone with respect and kindness, from the event organizers to the waitstaff. Remember how you treat others says a lot about your character, and potential dates will definitely take note. Plus, being kind and considerate creates a positive atmosphere for everyone, making the whole experience more enjoyable. Kindness also helps you stay relaxed and positive, which makes you more approachable and attractive. Even giving a simple smile or thank you can go a long way in creating a great impression and setting the stage for meaningful connections.
Curiosity: The Key to Connection
Asking thoughtful questions is crucial in speed dating. It shows you’re interested and helps you learn more about your date in a short time. So prepare a few open-ended questions beforehand, but also listen and ask follow-up questions based on what they say. This creates a more natural, flowing conversations and helps you determine if you’re compatible. Remember, it’s not an interrogation – aim for a balanced, engaging dialogue. Good questions might explore their passions, dreams, or values. And avoid those yes/no questions and instead opt for ones that invite storytelling. For example, instead of “Do you like to travel?”, try “What’s the most memorable trip you’ve ever taken?”. This approach not only gives you more insight into your date but also makes the conversation more enjoyable for both of you.
Confidence Without Arrogance
Arrogance is a major turn-off in all forms of dating. While it’s important to be confident, there’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness. So avoid boasting or putting others down to make yourself look better. It can make you seem insecure or self-centered. Instead, be humble and genuine. You can share your accomplishments if they come up naturally in conversation, but also show interest in your date’s experiences and achievements. A balanced, modest approach is much more appealing. Trust me, true confidence is quiet – it doesn’t need to announce itself. Instead focus on making your date feel comfortable and valued. You can start by asking about their achievements and show genuine interest. This approach not only makes you more attractive but also helps create a more meaningful connection.
Show, Don’t Tell: The Power of Actions
Like the above, bragging about your achievements, possessions, or status is a common mistake in speed dating. It often comes across as insecure or self-centered and can be a real turn-off. Instead of telling people how great you are, show them through your actions and conversation. It’s far better to be kind, attentive, and engaging. So share your passions and interests genuinely. Afterall, people are more likely to be impressed by your personality and how you make them feel than by a list of your accomplishments. If you have achieved something noteworthy, let it come up naturally in conversation rather than forcing it. Remember, the goal is to create a connection, not to win a competition. Focus on finding common ground and showing genuine interest in your date.
Keep It Classy: Avoiding Explicit Talk
While attraction is important, talking explicitly about sex during speed dating is generally inappropriate and can make others uncomfortable. It can come across as crude or overly forward, potentially ruining your chances with someone great. Instead, keep the conversation light and friendly. If there’s a connection and you both decide to go on a proper date, there will be plenty of time to discuss more intimate topics later. For now, focus on getting to know each other on a personal level without crossing boundaries. If the topic of relationships comes up, keep it general and respectful. You can discuss what you’re looking for in a partner or your views on commitment, but avoid graphic details or expectations. Remember, building a strong foundation of mutual respect and understanding is key to any successful relationship, whether it’s a long-term commitment or a more casual arrangement.
The Art of Active Listening
In the rush of speed dating, it’s easy to focus so much on what you’re going to say next that you forget to really listen. But active listening has always been the key to making a great connection. So pay attention to what your date is saying, ask follow-up questions, and show genuine interest. This not only helps you learn more about them but also makes them feel valued and heard. Remember good listeners are rare and attractive qualities in a potential partner. So practice focusing completely on what your date is saying, rather than planning your next comment. And you can also use non-verbal cues like nodding and maintaining eye contact to show you’re engaged. This skill will not only serve you well in speed dating but in all your future relationships.
Keep the Conversation Flowing
At a blind dating night, awkward silences can feel amplified due to the time constraint. They can make both parties uncomfortable and might prevent a real connection from forming. So come prepared with a few conversation starters or interesting stories about yourself. If the conversation lulls, don’t panic. Instead you can ask about their hobbies, dreams, or favorite travel experiences. The key is to keep things light and engaging. Remember, it’s a two-way street – be ready to share about yourself too, but always aim for a balanced exchange. If you find yourself stuck, try the “FORD” method – ask about Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. These topics are generally safe and can lead to interesting discussions. So don’t be afraid of brief pauses – they’re natural in conversation. Just use them as a chance to pivot to a new topic or ask a follow-up question.
Stay Sharp: The Importance of Sobriety
While a drink or two might calm your nerves, getting blind drunk at speed dating is a big mistake. It impairs your judgment, can lead to inappropriate behavior, and prevents you from making genuine connections. You might even say something you regret or miss red flags in potential matches. So know your limits or stick to few drinks if you must, but also consider staying completely sober. Remember you want to be your best, most authentic self. Plus, you’ll want a clear head to remember the people you meet and make good decisions about potential matches. If you’re nervous, try other calming techniques like deep breathing or positive self-talk. Afterall, everyone else is likely feeling a bit anxious too. So staying sober will help you navigate the event with clarity and make the most of your speed dating experience.
Trust Your Instincts: Recognizing Red Flags
In the excitement of speed dating, it’s easy to overlook red flags. But if something feels off, pay attention to your intuition. If someone makes you uncomfortable, is disrespectful, or shows concerning behavior, it’s okay to end the conversation early or make a note not to match with them. Your safety and comfort should always come first. Remember, you’re looking for quality connections, not just trying to be polite. Some red flags to watch out for include excessive negativity, pushy behavior, and disrespect towards staff or other participants. Don’t ignore these signs just because someone seems attractive or charming otherwise. It’s important to know a few minutes of polite conversation isn’t worth compromising your well-being or getting into a potentially toxic situation.
Authenticity: Your Best Asset
One of the biggest mistakes in speed dating is pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s tempting to try to be what you think others want, but this rarely leads to genuine connections. So be honest about who you are, your interests, and what you’re looking for in a relationship. Authenticity is always attractive and sets the foundation for real compatibility. Plus, it’s exhausting to keep up a facade – after all, you want someone who likes the real you! So if you’re looking for a serious relationship, say so. If you’re more interested in casual dating, be upfront about that too. Honesty from the start helps ensure you match with people who are on the same page. Remember, the goal isn’t to impress everyone; it’s to find the right match for you.
Dress for Success and Confidence
While you shouldn’t obsess over your appearance, neglecting it entirely is also a mistake. Your outfit and grooming will affect both how others perceive you and how confident you feel. So put some effort into looking neat and presentable. You can wear something that makes you feel confident and comfortable – because when you feel good, it shows. Good grooming also shows respect for yourself and the event. So choose an outfit that reflects your personality while being appropriate for the venue. Remember, first impressions do matter, and feeling good about how you look can boost your confidence, helping you to be more relaxed and genuine in your interactions. However, don’t stress too much – your personality and conversation skills are far more important than having the perfect hairstyle.
Positivity is Attractive
Complaining or being overly negative during a singles event is a major turn-off. It telegraphs that you’re pessimistic or difficult to please. I know everyone has bad days and frustrations, but this isn’t the time to vent – they’re dates, not therapists. So keep the conversation positive and upbeat. If you’re asked about your job or hobbies, focus on the aspects you enjoy rather than griping about the downsides. Because a positive attitude is attractive and makes the short time you have with each person much more enjoyable. And if you’re going through a tough time, it’s okay to acknowledge it briefly, but try to steer the conversation towards more uplifting topics. Your enthusiasm can be contagious and will leave a much better impression than complaints or criticism.
Maintain Your Social Circle
While speed dating is exciting, don’t let it consume your entire social life. Maintaining your friendships and other interests is crucial, for creating a well rounded life. This balance keeps you grounded and gives you more to talk about on your dates. Plus, a full, interesting life makes you more attractive to potential partners. Remember, speed dating is just one way to meet people – so keep your social life rich with various experiences. Don’t cancel plans with friends for singles events or neglect your hobbies. These aspects of your life contribute to who you are and make you interesting. They also provide support and perspective as you navigate the dating world. Remember a well-rounded life will make you more confident and appealing, for that next long-term relationship.
One Step at a Time: Avoiding Premature Planning
It’s easy to get carried away imagining a future with someone you’ve just met, but always try to stay grounded. If you’ve just met someone, avoid talking about long-term plans or commitment during speed dating. This can come across as intense or desperate and might scare off potential matches. Instead focus on keeping things light and in the present. If you do connect with someone, there will be plenty of time to explore a deeper relationship later one. For now, focus on enjoying the moment and seeing if there’s a genuine spark. If you find yourself getting ahead of yourself, take a deep breath and redirect the conversation to more immediate topics. Remember, building a lasting relationship takes time.
Finding the Right Intensity
While you want to show interest, coming on too strong can be overwhelming when meeting someone new. Always avoid intense declarations of attraction or pushing for immediate commitment. This makes others uncomfortable and potentially scares off great matches. Instead, aim for a balance of showing interest while respecting their boundaries. And if you feel a connection, express it warmly but calmly. You can suggest meeting again in a low-pressure way, like grabbing coffee. Remember, building a relationship takes time – speed dating is just the first step. So pay attention to the other person’s cues and match their level of enthusiasm. If they seem hesitant, take a step back. The goal is to leave them wanting to know more about you, not feeling overwhelmed by your intensity.
Learn and Grow: The Value of Reflection
Every dating experience, including speed dating, is a chance to learn and grow. After the event you should take some time to reflect. What went well? What could you improve? Did you notice any patterns in your interactions? Use these insights to refine your approach for the next time. Remember dating is a skill that improves with practice, so don’t be discouraged if you don’t make an immediate connection. Each experience simply brings you closer to finding the right match. So consider keeping a dating journal to track your progress and insights. Remember, even if you don’t find a romantic connection, you might make new friends or learn something valuable about yourself. Treat each speed dating event as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery.
Now You Know What To Do
By following these guidelines, you can stop over thinking about what not to do at speed dating. Remember, the key is to be yourself, stay positive, and focus on making genuine connections. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself to find “the one” immediately. Instead, approach each fast mini-date as a chance to meet interesting people and have enjoyable conversations.
Whether you’re looking for a serious relationship, a casual fling, or just want to expand your social circle, speed dating can be a fun and efficient way to meet new people. It’s normal to feel nervous, but remember that everyone else is in the same boat. So embrace the experience, stay open-minded, and who knows? You might just meet someone special when you least expect it.