What to Say at Speed Dating?

What to say at speed dating? So you’ve sick of being set up by your parents, don’t believe in arranged marriages and don’t even get me started about those online dating sites. But if you’re an non-committed free agent in search of a spouse, marriage or just a casual relationship, then listen up! 

I’ve been talking since I was 2 years old, now with my extra 32 years of experience and having run over 700 speed dating events, I Darcy Todd, will tell you exactly what to say on your next fast date. 

What to Say to Increase Your Matches

1. What is Communication with a Love Interest?

Talking, that deep diaphragmatic breath to produce sounds relaying your thoughts through words. But what are the steps to great communication, especially when relaying the information to your next possible love interest that they should also choose you. 

At it’s rawest, epically when on the single scene, chatting up your next date is all about expressing your personality traits. Attractive personality traits that is, epically if you’re a guy because women are attracted to the alpha male. 

Here's the infographic titled "What to Say at a Speed Dating Event." It includes sections on introductions, ice breakers, hobbies, travel, work, movies/books, food, and future plans, each with engaging icons and a visually appealing layout

2. Don’t ask boring questions 

Where do you live, where do you work? Is so boring and un origional. Worse it makes you sound like her last 10 dates, so why would she choose you? It’s not hard, infact you just have to be above average to get lions share of the matches. Hear that? Just be a bit better, be creative and here’s a sure list of Don’ts:

  • Where do you live ❌
  • Where do you work ❌
  • What do you study ❌
  • Do you come here often ❌
  • How long have you been doing this ❌

They’re just so unoriginal and boring. Worse, heavily questioning someone is a poor conversational technique, it’s actually feels very intrusive, like you’re interrogating her. So unless she’s committed manslaughter and you’re cross examining her at court, stay away from interrogation questioning. 

3. Too Clingy Too Soon

‘How many kids do you want?’ or ‘When are you looking to get married?’ Slow down soldier, that’s far too much too soon. Thinking 10 steps ahead in Chess is pragmatic, but when flirting with a date it’s downright repelling. You’ve just met, it’s been 3 minutes and you’re acting like you’re going to lock her down for years. Stop that or she’ll freak out and run away. 

Other clingy questioning includes what type of relationships she’s looking for? Are you kidding me, its been a 5 minute speed dating and now you want her to label your relationship. Don’t do it, being on a fast date is just that, it’s a chance to quickly get to know someone and see if there’s a spark. So please, unless you want to come up empty handed, don’t’ ask too much too soon. 

4. Talk in Statements

‘What a day, works been so busy but I’m glad it’s finally the weekend with a chance to relax.’ What a great statement, it’s non threatening, unintrusive and easy to contribute to. Talking in statements is how friends and people with deep bonds and relationships talk. It’s telling your partner what a great or crappy day you had. 

So when you’re meeting a date for the first time, do the same thing. talking in statements will increase feelings of familiarity even if it’s in the super fast time constraint of a speed date. 

5. Don’t just talk about yourself

I’m so great, I earn a lot of money and I love myself. Although they’d make great self-esteem boosting affirmations, solely talking about yourself on a date has the opposite effect. It shows a lack of concern or interest in the other person. It also demonstrates that you’re not socially savvy, because a person who only talks about themselves is not good at making friends. 

Instead remember a conversation involves at least two people. Throw it back to them, once they ask you a question, recriporicate it and ask them a question too. That’s how two people creat raport, which is kinda the whole reason for meeting in the first place.  

6. Demonstrate higher value

‘I can stay up all night, but it doesn’t matter because I don’t have work because rent’s free in my mums basement.’ Yuck! Alright so you might not be that bad, but everything you say has connotations. She’ll always read between the lines to assess who you really are. If you say ‘I go speed dating all the time.’ She’ll think you’re either a loser who still hasn’t picked up or a player who’s to be avoided. 

So remember what you say, says a lot more then just the words you use. Really think if the message you’re conveying is painting you in a positive light. 

7. Demonstrate traits of the Alpha

This one is for the men, or alpha ladies. In general ladies want masculine manly men, but what are women attracted to? And what does that mean? Well there’s much debate on the subject, but evolutionary speaking, she’s subconsciously seeking the alpha male of the tribe. 

And allophanes is really just a way of thinking with a bunch of associated traits like the ones below: 

  • Confidence
  • The leader of men
  • Other women are attracted to you
  • Sense of humor
  • Carries a nice smile
  • Has great body language
  • Is the life of the party
  • Has goals and ambition 
  • Other people respect them
  • Is the decision maker

8. Future pace

Future pacing is just a fun subtle way of talking about your future together. If she tells you she likes to travel, tell her you’ll both break into Disneyland and ride all the rollercoasters. It’s using gentle humor and they’ll picture a future with you together. It’s also a lot more more fun then talking about your job in HR. So get out there and say the right thing at your next speed dating event.