What Are the Rules of Speed Dating: Everything You Need to Know

Published on 27/09/2024 | written by Darcy Todd

Curious about our speed dating rules? You’re in the right place! Whether you’re gearing up for your first event or looking to brush up on etiquette, understanding these guidelines is key to a successful and enjoyable experience. The rules for speed dating aren’t complicated, but they’re important for creating a respectful, fun environment for everyone involved. Essentially, they’re designed to keep things fair, comfortable, and flowing smoothly as you meet potential matches in rapid succession.

The basic speed dating rules are pretty straightforward: be on time, don’t drink too much, respect the time limits for each “mini-date” (usually 3-8 minutes), and don’t exchange contact info directly – that comes later if there’s a mutual match. But there’s more to it than that.

Don’t touch your dates; respect personal space.
Avoid excessive drinking; stay respectful.
Book the correct age group for your event.
Message the host if you’re late or unable to attend.
Arrive on time to respect the schedule.
Rotate to the next date in a timely manner
Keep conversations light and positive.

From how to behave during your quick chats to what to do after the event, we’ve got you covered. In this guide, we’ll walk you through 30 essential speed dating rules that’ll help you navigate through your next singles event like a pro. Ready to dive in and boost your chances of making meaningful connections? Let’s get started!

1. Be Punctual

Alright, let’s kick things off with a biggie – show up on time! I know, I know, sometimes life gets in the way, but being punctual for speed dating is crucial. Aim to arrive about 15 minutes early. This gives you time to check in, grab a drink if you want one, and settle those pre-date jitters. Plus, being early means you won’t miss any potential matches in the first round. If you’re running late due to unforeseen circumstances, call the organizers to let them know. They might be able to work you in. Remember, everyone’s time is valuable, and starting late can throw off the whole event. So set that alarm, plan your route, and get there with time to spare!

2. Dress to Impress (But Stay Comfortable)

Let’s talk outfits, folks! You want to look good, sure, but comfort is key. Think “smart casual” – like you’re going for drinks with friends at a nice bar. For guys, a clean, ironed shirt with nice jeans or chinos works well. Ladies, a cute dress or a stylish top with jeans is perfect. The goal is to feel confident and comfortable. Avoid anything too flashy or uncomfortable – you don’t want to be fidgeting with your clothes all night. And please, make sure everything is clean and wrinkle-free! First impressions count, and your outfit is a big part of that. Choose something that makes you feel like the best version of yourself. When you feel good in what you’re wearing, it shows in your confidence and attitude.

3. Turn Off Your Phone

I get it, we’re all attached to our phones these days. But for speed dating, it’s time to go off the grid for a bit. Before the event starts, switch your phone to silent mode (not just vibrate) and tuck it away out of sight. Nothing kills a potential connection faster than checking your phone mid-conversation. It’s only a few hours – I promise your Instagram followers can survive without you! If you’re expecting an important call, let the organizers know beforehand. Otherwise, focus on the people in front of you. This shows respect for your dates and helps you stay present in the moment. Plus, it eliminates the temptation to google your date or check your ex’s profile. Give your full attention to the people you’re meeting – you might be surprised at the connections you make!

4. Be Present and Engaged

Okay, this one’s crucial – when you’re on fast date, be all in! Make eye contact, lean in slightly (but not too close!), and really listen to what your date is saying. It’s easy to get distracted thinking about your last date or worrying about the next one, but try to stay focused on the person in front of you. Ask follow-up questions based on what they’re telling you – this shows you’re genuinely interested and helps keep the conversation flowing. And hey, even if you’re not feeling a romantic spark, stay engaged. You never know, you might make a new friend or business contact. Plus, being present and engaged is just good practice for all your future interactions. It’s a skill that’ll serve you well in dating and beyond.

5. Keep Conversation Light and Positive

When it comes to speed dating convos, think “fun and breezy” rather than “deep and heavy.” You’ve only got a few minutes, so save the philosophical debates and life stories for later dates. Instead, focus on light, positive topics that give a glimpse into who you are. Ask about hobbies, favorite movies, dream vacations – things that are easy and fun to talk about. Share a funny story about your day or a cool fact you recently learned. Avoid complaining or bringing up negative topics like exes, politics, or work stress. The goal is to leave your date with a positive impression and wanting to know more. If the conversation takes a serious turn, gently steer it back to lighter territory. Remember, you’re aiming for a fun, engaging chat that leaves you both smiling.

6. Respect Boundaries

Alright, let’s talk boundaries – they’re super important in speed dating. Everyone has different comfort levels, so it’s crucial to be respectful and mindful of personal space. Start with a friendly handshake or a simple “hello” – no need for hugs or kisses with someone you’ve just met. As you chat, pay attention to body language. If someone leans away or seems uncomfortable, give them more space. Avoid asking overly personal questions or pushing for information if someone seems hesitant to share. And absolutely no touching beyond a handshake or brief touch on the arm, unless explicitly invited. Remember, the goal is to make everyone feel safe and comfortable. If someone tells you they’re not interested or asks you to back off, respect that immediately. By showing respect for others’ boundaries, you create a positive environment for everyone – and that’s what speed dating is all about!

7. Don’t Ask for Contact Information

Here’s a big one – resist the urge to ask for phone numbers or social media handles during the event. I know, if you’re hitting it off with someone, it’s tempting to want to lock down that next date right away. But that’s not how speed dating works. The organizers have a system in place for a reason. At the end of the event, you’ll indicate who you’re interested in seeing again. If there’s mutual interest, you’ll get each other’s contact info then. This system keeps things fair and pressure-free for everyone. It also gives you time to reflect on all your mini-dates before making a decision. So even if you’re feeling a strong connection, keep it cool. Focus on having a great conversation and making a memorable impression. If it’s meant to be, you’ll have plenty of time to exchange info and plan that coffee date later.

8. Be Honest on Your Scorecard

When it comes to filling out your scorecard at the end of the night, honesty is the best policy. It might be tempting to say yes to everyone just to be nice, or to say no to everyone because you’re feeling overwhelmed. Resist both urges! Take a moment to reflect on each mini-date and be true to your feelings. If you felt a genuine connection and want to see someone again, mark it down. If you didn’t feel a spark, that’s okay too – it’s better to be honest than to lead someone on. Remember, it’s only a match if both people express interest, so there’s no harm in being truthful. Don’t overthink it – go with your gut feeling. And don’t worry, your choices are confidential. The organizers will only share your info with your mutual matches. By being honest, you’re respecting yourself and your dates, and increasing the chances of making meaningful connections.

9. Keep an Open Mind

Listen up, because this one’s a game-changer – keep an open mind! It’s easy to walk into speed dating with a mental checklist of what you’re looking for, but try to leave those preconceptions at the door. Someone who doesn’t seem like your “type” on paper might surprise you in person. Maybe they have a great sense of humor that doesn’t come across right away, or shared interests you discover through conversation. Give each person a fair chance, even if they’re not what you expected. Try to look beyond surface-level attributes and listen for shared values and chemistry. Remember, you’re not committing to a lifelong relationship here – you’re just exploring the possibility of a first date. By keeping an open mind, you might discover connections you never expected. Plus, approaching each mini-date with curiosity and openness makes the whole experience more fun and rewarding.

10. Don’t Drink Too Much

Okay, let’s talk about drinking at speed dating events. While a glass of wine might help calm your nerves, it’s crucial not to overdo it. Pace yourself and know your limits. Stick to one drink if you must, or better yet, opt for a non-alcoholic beverage. You want to be clear-headed to make the best impression and accurately assess your dates. Too much alcohol can lead to poor judgment, slurred speech, or behavior you might regret later. Remember, you’re there to make connections and potentially find a match – staying sober will help you navigate the event with clarity and make the most of your speed dating experience. If you’re feeling nervous, try some deep breathing exercises or chat with other participants before the event starts. These strategies can help calm your nerves without the need for liquid courage. Your future self (and potential matches) will thank you for keeping a clear head!

11. Follow the Host’s Instructions

Here’s the deal – the event host is like the conductor of this speed dating orchestra, so it’s super important to follow their lead. They’ve done this before and know how to keep things running smoothly. When they explain the rules at the beginning, listen up! They’ll tell you how long each date lasts, how to rotate between dates, and how to mark your scorecard. If anything’s unclear, don’t be shy about asking questions. During the event, keep an ear out for their signals – usually a bell or whistle – to know when it’s time to wrap up and move on. If they ask you to do something, like move to a specific table or fill out a form, do it promptly. By following the host’s instructions, you’re helping ensure the event runs smoothly for everyone. Plus, it shows respect for the organizers and your fellow daters. Trust me, a well-run event is more fun for everyone!

12. Have Fun!

Alright, here’s perhaps the most important rule of all – have fun! I know, I know, it might sound cliché, but it’s seriously crucial. Speed dating should be an enjoyable experience, not a high-pressure situation. Go in with the mindset that you’re there to meet new people and have interesting conversations, rather than finding “the one” right away. Smile, laugh, and don’t take things too seriously. If a date isn’t going well, no worries – it’ll be over in a few minutes. If you’re having a great time with someone, awesome! Enjoy it in the moment. Remember, your positive energy is infectious and attractive. When you’re relaxed and having fun, you’re more likely to let your true personality shine through. Plus, even if you don’t meet your soulmate, you might make some new friends or at least walk away with some funny stories. So take a deep breath, put on your best smile, and get ready for a fun adventure in speed dating!

13. Ask Thoughtful Questions

Let’s talk strategy – asking great questions is your secret weapon in speed dating. Prepare a few interesting, open-ended questions beforehand. Think beyond the usual “What do you do for work?” and try something like “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done this year?” or “If you could master any skill instantly, what would it be?” These kinds of questions invite your date to share stories and opinions, giving you a better sense of who they are. Listen carefully to their answers and ask follow-up questions to show you’re genuinely interested. But remember, it’s a conversation, not an interview! Share your own thoughts too. The goal is to have a balanced, engaging chat that reveals your personalities and potential compatibility. And hey, if a particularly great question leads to an awesome conversation, use it again with your next date! Having a few go-to questions up your sleeve can help you feel more confident and keep the conversation flowing smoothly.

14. Be Authentic

Here’s a biggie – be yourself! I know it’s tempting to try to be what you think others want, but trust me, authenticity is way more attractive than any act you could put on. Speed dating is about finding someone who likes you for you, quirks and all. So let your true personality shine through. Share your genuine interests, even if they’re a bit nerdy or unconventional. Be honest about what you’re looking for in a relationship. If you’re into sci-fi marathons or collect vintage teapots, own it! Your uniqueness is what makes you interesting. Plus, pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting and unsustainable. You want to find someone who’s compatible with the real you, not a fake version. Remember, confidence in who you are is super attractive. So take a deep breath, let your guard down a little, and show your dates the awesome, authentic you. The right person will appreciate you for exactly who you are.

15. Practice Active Listening

Alright, here’s a skill that’ll serve you well in speed dating and beyond – active listening. It’s not just about hearing the words your date is saying; it’s about really tuning in and showing that you’re engaged. Make eye contact, nod along, and use small verbal cues like “mm-hmm” or “interesting” to show you’re following along. When your date finishes speaking, try to respond in a way that shows you were really listening. Maybe ask a follow-up question or relate what they said to something in your own life. Avoid interrupting or just waiting for your turn to speak. Instead, really try to understand their perspective. Not only does this make your date feel valued, but it also helps you get a better sense of who they are and if you’re compatible. Plus, being a good listener is an attractive quality in itself! So open your ears, focus on what they’re saying, and watch how much deeper your conversations become.

16. Maintain Positive Body Language

Let’s talk body language – it speaks volumes, often louder than your words! Keep your posture open and inviting. Uncross your arms, face your date directly, and lean in slightly (but respect personal space!). Smile genuinely – it makes you appear friendly and approachable. Make eye contact, but don’t stare intensely; that can be uncomfortable. Nodding and tilting your head slightly while listening shows you’re engaged in the conversation. Be mindful of nervous habits like fidgeting or playing with your hair, as these can be distracting. If you’re feeling nervous, take a deep breath and try to relax your shoulders. Mirroring your date’s body language subtly can also help build rapport. Remember, confident, positive body language not only makes you appear more attractive but can actually help you feel more confident too. So stand tall, smile, and let your body language show that you’re open, interested, and ready to connect!

17. Avoid Oversharing

Okay, let’s talk about sharing – while openness is great, there’s such a thing as TMI (too much information) in speed dating. You want to give your date a sense of who you are without overwhelming them with your life story. Avoid diving into heavy topics like past relationships, family drama, or personal struggles. These are important things to discuss in a relationship, but save them for later dates when you have more time and have established more trust. Instead, focus on sharing snippets that give a flavor of your personality and interests. Maybe tell a funny anecdote about your weekend or share a goal you’re working towards. If you catch yourself about to share something very personal, take a breath and ask yourself if it’s appropriate for a first meeting. Remember, you want to leave your date intrigued and wanting to know more, not feeling like they’ve just speed-run your autobiography. Keep it light, keep it fun, and save some mystery for future dates!

18. Focus on the Present

Here’s a tip that’ll really up your speed dating game – stay present! It’s easy to get caught up in your head, thinking about your last date or worrying about the next one. But try to focus fully on the person in front of you right now. Don’t compare them to your previous dates or start planning your wedding in your head if things are going well. Each mini-date is a fresh start, a new opportunity to connect. Give each person your full, unbiased attention. This not only helps you make a better impression, but it also allows you to more accurately assess your compatibility with each date. If you find your mind wandering, gently bring your focus back to the present moment. Listen to what your date is saying, observe their body language, and engage fully in the conversation. By staying present, you’ll have more meaningful interactions and a better overall experience. Plus, being fully engaged in the moment is attractive – it shows your date that you value their time and are genuinely interested in getting to know them.

19. Be Mindful of Time

Time management is key in speed dating, folks! Each mini-date typically lasts between 3 to 8 minutes, so you’ve got to make every second count. But here’s the trick – you want to be aware of the time without constantly checking your watch (that’s just rude!). Pace your conversation so you can cover a good range of topics without feeling rushed. If you find yourself dominating the conversation, take a step back and give your date a chance to speak. Similarly, if your date is doing most of the talking, don’t be afraid to politely interject with a question or comment. When you hear the signal that time is almost up, start wrapping up your conversation naturally. Maybe say something like, “It’s been great chatting with you!” This gives a sense of closure to your mini-date. Remember, it’s better to leave your date wanting more than to cram too much into the short time. If you’re really hitting it off, that’s awesome – but save something for your potential future date!

20. Follow Up Appropriately

Alright, the speed dating event is over – now what? If you’ve received matches (congrats!), it’s time for the follow-up. Don’t wait too long – reach out within a day or two while the conversation is still fresh in both your minds. When you do, keep it light and friendly. Reference something specific from your chat to jog their memory, like “Hey Sarah, it’s John from the speed dating event. I really enjoyed our conversation about travel – especially your story about getting lost in Tokyo!” Suggest a casual meet-up like coffee or a walk in the park. If you don’t receive any matches, don’t be discouraged. Speed dating is just one way to meet people, and it doesn’t define your dateability. Use it as a learning experience – reflect on what went well and what you might do differently next time. Remember, dating is a skill that improves with practice, so stay positive and keep putting yourself out there!

21. Mind Your Language

Let’s talk about keeping it clean, folks! While a bit of casual swearing might be part of your everyday vocab, it’s best to keep your language PG during speed dating. You want to make a good impression, and for many, excessive swearing can be a turn-off. Instead, focus on articulate, engaging conversation without relying on curse words to make your point. If you do accidentally let a swear word slip (hey, it happens!), don’t panic – just move on. Remember, you’re trying to showcase your best self in a short time, so clever, articulate conversation is far more likely to leave a lasting positive impression than a string of expletives. Plus, keeping your language clean shows respect for your date and the event. So, challenge yourself to find more creative ways to express yourself. Who knows? You might even impress yourself with your newfound eloquence!

22. Respect Personal Space

Alright, let’s talk personal space – it’s a biggie in speed dating. While you might be a hugger in your everyday life, remember that not everyone is comfortable with physical contact, especially with someone they’ve just met. Start with a friendly smile and a “hello” – a handshake is okay if the other person initiates it. During your chat, be mindful of the invisible bubble around your date. Leaning in slightly to hear better is fine, but don’t get too close. Keep your hands to yourself – no touching arms, knees, or hands unless explicitly invited. If you’re naturally expressive with your hands while talking, that’s cool, just be aware of your movements. Remember, respecting personal space helps create a comfortable environment for everyone. It shows you’re considerate and understand boundaries – both great qualities in a potential date!

23. Choose the Right Age Group

Here’s an important tip – make sure you’re signing up for a speed dating event that matches your age group. Many events are organized by age range to ensure participants have a better chance of meeting compatible matches. Be honest about your age when signing up, and choose an event that aligns with your age bracket. If you’re on the borderline between two age groups, consider which one you feel you’d fit in with better in terms of life experiences and what you’re looking for in a partner. Attending an event meant for a different age group not only wastes your time but can also make other participants uncomfortable. Remember, the goal is to meet people you could potentially date – being in the right age group increases your chances of making meaningful connections. Plus, you’ll likely have more in common with people in a similar life stage, making those mini-dates flow much more smoothly!

24. Avoid Controversial Topics

Let’s keep things light and breezy, shall we? Speed dating isn’t the time to dive into heated debates about politics, religion, or other controversial subjects. These short encounters are meant for getting to know someone’s personality, not their stance on every hot-button issue. Instead, focus on more universal, positive topics that can help you connect without risking offense or disagreement. Talk about your hobbies, favorite movies, dream vacations, or funny stories from your day. If your date brings up a controversial topic, try to gently steer the conversation back to neutral ground with something like, “That’s an interesting point. Speaking of current events, have you seen any good movies lately?” Remember, the goal is to create an enjoyable interaction that leaves both parties interested in learning more about each other. Save the deep discussions for later dates when you have more time to explore complex topics respectfully.

25. Don’t Dominate the Conversation

Alright, chat champions, listen up – speed dating is a two-way street! While it’s great to be enthusiastic and share about yourself, make sure you’re not hogging the spotlight. Aim for a balanced conversation where both you and your date get equal time to speak and listen. If you find yourself talking for more than a minute without pause, take a breath and ask your date a question. Show genuine interest in getting to know them – remember, you’re there to learn about them as much as to share about yourself. Active listening is just as important as speaking. If you’re nervous and tend to ramble, try to be mindful of it. Maybe even practice with a friend beforehand to get a feel for a good conversational rhythm. A balanced dialogue not only shows you’re considerate and interested but also gives you a better chance to assess your compatibility with each date.

26. Leave Your Baggage at the Door

Okay, real talk – we all have baggage, but speed dating isn’t the time to unpack it. This isn’t the moment to vent about your ex, complain about your job, or air any other personal grievances. Even if you’re going through a tough time, try to keep the conversation positive and upbeat. Focus on the aspects of your life that you enjoy and are excited about. If you’re asked about potentially negative topics, find a way to frame your response positively or briefly acknowledge the challenge before moving on to a more uplifting subject. For example, if asked about work and you’re not thrilled with your job, you could say something like, “It has its challenges, but I’m learning a lot and excited about some new projects coming up.” Remember, your goal is to leave each date with a good impression and a sense of your best self. Save the deeper, more serious discussions for when you know someone better.

27. Be Prepared with Conversation Starters

Let’s talk strategy – having a few good conversation starters in your back pocket can be a real game-changer in speed dating. Before the event, think of 5-6 interesting, open-ended questions that can lead to engaging conversations. Things like “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done this year?” or “If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and why?” are great for revealing personality and interests. Also, have a few fun facts or short stories about yourself ready to share. Maybe a funny travel anecdote or a cool project you’re working on. These can help break the ice and give your date a sense of who you are. Just remember to use these naturally – you don’t want to sound like you’re reading from a script! The goal is to have these as backup to keep the conversation flowing smoothly, especially if you hit a lull or feel nervous. With a little preparation, you’ll feel more confident and ready to make the most of each mini-date!

28. Don’t Discuss Previous Dates During the Event

Here’s a big no-no – avoid talking about your other speed dates during the event. It might be tempting to mention a great conversation you just had or complain about a bad experience, but resist the urge! Each mini-date should be treated as a separate encounter. Discussing other dates can make your current date feel like they’re being compared or that you’re not giving them your full attention. It can also come across as gossipy or indiscreet. If you’re asked how your night is going, keep your response general and positive without mentioning specific other dates. Something like, “It’s been an interesting evening! How are you finding it?” works well. Remember, your focus should be on the person in front of you, giving them your undivided attention. This approach not only shows respect for everyone involved but also allows you to fully engage with each new potential match without preconceptions from previous interactions.

29. Respect the Venue and Staff

Let’s not forget where we are, folks! Whether your speed dating event is at a swanky bar, a cozy café, or a community center, it’s important to treat the venue and its staff with respect. Follow any rules set by the venue, like not bringing in outside food or drinks. Be polite to servers, bartenders, and event staff – a please and thank you go a long way! If you order drinks or snacks, tip appropriately. Remember, your behavior towards staff can speak volumes about your character, and other participants will likely notice. Plus, being respectful helps ensure that these venues continue to host speed dating events, keeping this opportunity available for everyone. If something goes wrong – say, a spilled drink or a mix-up with orders – handle it graciously. How you deal with minor setbacks can be really attractive to potential dates. So, be kind, be considerate, and show that you’re the type of person who treats everyone with respect!

30. Follow Through on Your Commitments

Last but definitely not least – if you say you’re interested, mean it! If you indicate interest in someone and it’s mutual, follow through on your commitment to connect after the event. Ghosting or ignoring matches not only is discourteous but also defeats the purpose of attending the event. If you receive contact information for a match, reach out within a day or two to suggest meeting up. Even if you’ve changed your mind, it’s polite to send a brief message explaining that you don’t think you’re compatible after all. This respectful approach maintains the integrity of the speed dating process and shows consideration for others’ feelings. Remember, how you handle post-event communication is just as important as your behavior during the event itself. It’s all part of making a good impression and potentially starting a new relationship on the right foot. So, be true to your word – it’s a quality that’s always in style in the dating world!